Hampden Park
Rugby
URC
Glasgow
Score:
15
/ 60
Overview
Even just getting there is a nightmare. If you’re in the West End, don’t get the bus. Unless you want to spend so long navigating the city that you run the risk that you’ll die of old age before you can die from the sheer misery of the place once you actually get there. Inside, it’s grim. The interior feels like the world’s most insalubrious multi-storey care park. The bowl of the stadium itself is outdated and the seats are tiny and uncomfortable. You’re set very far back from the pitch. A big and enthusiastic rugby crowd, the novelty of seeing the Warriors playing in a major venue, and the winter sunlight create a certain atmosphere. But it’s constantly undermined by just how low rent everything is. Getting home is even worse. The stadium was barely half full for the inaugural 1872 Cup fixture held there and the line for Mount Florida station still stretched endlessly towards the horizon after the game. Trains and buses are infrequent, Uber’s surge pricing model rejoices. Maybe stay home.
Score Summaries
Atmosphere & Experience: 4
Honestly, the atmosphere was pretty good. The best part of 28,000 people turning up for a club rugby fixture is a depressingly infrequent occurrence and it’s hard not to have your spirits lifted by seeing so many attending, especially in such a football mad town. But the experience. It was like some maniac with a forensic eye for detail had worked their fingers to the bone to make everything as crappy as it could possibly be. The stadium is beyond an eyesore, it’s an abomination. The ceilings are falling in. It’s freezing cold. Its complete lack of bells and whistles presumably a conscious choice on the part of its designers who knew that Celtic and Rangers fans would rip out those bells and whistles and use them to batter each other to death. Grim.
Seats: 5
I mean, you can see the pitch. Just about anyway. You’re set very far back from the action. Seats are uncomfortable and narrow. Go with people you’re not averse to being in such close physical proximity with that you might merge into a single organism midway through the second half.
Catering: 0
Eat before you go. Seriously. If you listen to nothing else, listen to this. The food is dreadful. Even the crisps are wretch-inducing. Just don’t bother. Beer is dispensed by robots. But robots are shit at pouring beer, so you’ll just get foam. If you need to, neck six pints before you go and let that see you through. At least that’s enough that you might forget the whole experience.
Facilities: 2
Old. Freezing. Grimy. Also, the plugs in the urinals are secured with cable ties, presumably so football fans don’t take them out to use as piss-soaked projectiles to hurl at each other.
Getting There: 3
You can get there, with a considerable amount of time and patience.
Getting Away: 1
Hampden Park very much subscribes to the Hotel California policy on leaving. So maybe just don’t go in the first place?