Vegetarian Sausage Roll

You may have read that there has been a worrying decline in the nutritional value of many staple foods since 1950. While crop yields have risen, thanks to the widespread use of chemical fertilisers and improvements in agricultural technology, much of what we eat is becoming less beneficial to us over time. Hampden’s sausage roll is the logical conclusion of that process, a horrifying gustatory premonition of humanity’s bleak future. It might look like a sausage roll, but it provides all the flavour and pleasure of trying to eat a shoebox. Consumed in the dystopian confines of Hampden’s interior, this Platonic ideal of blandness becomes all the more depressing. It all feels a bit Soylent Green and really should be avoided as much as one would swerve that film’s eponymous wafers made of human flesh.